Why? I don’t know. I know that one of the main factors is I am extremely social coupled with the word ‘no’ just disappearing from my vocabulary. It’s a big worry. I’m mostly scared because as I frantically pulled clothes out of my wardrobe this morning but NOTHING fitted. Well some did. But not a lot – and those clothes that do still fit are either uncomfortable or give me unattractive muffin top. It is clear that I need help.
The biggest reason this upsets me is that I used to be so fit, the word NO was a normal part of life – you want pizza? NO or I’d make a healthy pizza with pita bread and veggies and minimal cheese. If I went out I drank clear alcohol with diet coke – none of this champagne and cocktails - CREAMY cocktails. I bought weight watchers deserts and jarrah low cal hot chocolate – so if I wanted dessert I didn’t succumb to full cream ice cream and banana bread. 90% of the time I ate healthy meals cooked by moi - so what went wrong? I wish I could tell you. The things I remember going wrong, were that I got sick for a while and complacent, then I house sat for an extended time and stopped going to the gym. Then I got skinny again via rigorous bootcamping – then I got fat again from hurting my back.
I went back to the gym this week. EVERYONE was so nice – so happy to see me. No one told me that I’d put on weight – even though its clear by me not fitting my clothing. My gym buddy came along with me and I was happy to have the support. Task 4 asked us to figure out where we are going to train. Definitely I will train at the gym. Granted with my back I can only do low impact – but I was still sweating up a storm and SO SORE the next few days. So tonight I’ll go back to the gym and when the 12 week challenge starts up I’ll train 6 times per week. I want to do a combination of training at the gym and outdoors.
|Hungry little beastie!|
It’s so scary putting on weight. I’m scared that I’ll keep piling it on. I’m afraid that I will have health problems. My back is more sore, it affects my skin, how I feel emotionally, I don’t feel attractive any more. So why is it I keep eating bad food and being lazy? I hope the 12 week challenge will help me overcome these problems. Or at least answer some of my questions. If It were only nutrition and exercise I wouldn’t have put the weight back on. I NEED to understand why I can’t keep the weight off...
My bestman (man who is best friend of Lady B) read me excerpts from the abs diet while I hurriedly finished an assessment yesterday (I leant the book to him) he said that his family can be toxic to his dieting – the book also talks about marriage/defacto relationships etc. Anything where other people can influence your day to day life basically. It rains true for me too – I love my mother she is an amazing women – but she brings home muffins and chips and various other treats which I simply can’t say no to. I KNOW it is my own fault. I don’t blame anyone but myself (I am the one shovelling it down my throat) – but for someone like me a muffin sitting on the kitchen table will play on my mind for hours until I eat it. I get overwhelmed by the craving. So I will spend this week at Lord B’s place in detox mode. I’m going to follow the crunch time diet/book so that I can prepare myself properly for the challenge.
Do you find yourself affected by other people? How do you say ‘no’ or keep your little beast at bay?