Confessions

I apologise that I’ve been AWOL – major busy time for my last semester of uni.

Usher knows all about confessions!

 Wow we are in week 5 of the program and I have lost just under 5kgs – so it is working despite my attempts to sabotage myself. So time for confessions

However, I’ve learnt a couple of things which I don’t like to admit. Mish always said to limit drinking due to the fact u eat crap when u drink and are out of it the next day. I was down with that – but I didn’t really think it applied to me.

TWICE it has happened that I have drank a whole heap of alcohol, and eaten crappy that night and the next day. However, I’ve also learnt if I have my treat meal during the week and not on Saturday, I tend to stick to the plan over the weekend (or at least, stick to eating nutritious food up to 1200 calories).

So I need to reevaluate the need for alcohol in my diet definitely – or at least make sure that when I have it I stick to two vodka and tonics with my treat meal (which should be in the middle of the week rather than on a Saturday which makes it harder for me to stick to the plan on the Sunday).

I’ve also realised that the nutrition and exercise is the tiniest part of weight loss – (I know DUH) but although I have the knowledge about eating addiction stored in my brain – it is confronting to have to apply it to your own situation. Not eating to numb my emotions or boredom has made me have to face what I’m eating for in the first place. Some things are mundane or more complicated. Stuff like ‘I don’t understand this legal thing so I’m going to go grab a snack,’ or ‘I’m not satisfied with work at the moment so I will go have a bikkie from the tin,’ or ‘I never have any time for myself – it is divided between social life and uni and work where is my me time?’ ‘Uni assessments never ending I want to cry.’ Just a few.

Or the damaginf self talk, such as – ‘I hate myself’ – ‘I am worthless and unattractive and damaged’, ‘you embarrassed yourself Bianca you should be ashamed everyone will laugh at you’ ‘you are so stupid.’

This brings me to a book review! Bit random – but I was told that this particular book would apply to my situation (a couple of times). So I decided to buy it. I haven’t actually finished it but I’m about three quarters through and I’ve made a whole lot of progress personally.

I have learnt that what it comes down to is that you need to love yourself, thighs, belly and all. We are still the amazing beautiful person size 6 or size 16. We are all on journies to lose weight and be healthy and looking good is only a small part of that.
I had been going through negative thinking patterns particularly because I had a function for which I NEEDED to fit into a particular black dress to look good – of course that dress doesn’t fit me anymore because I am carrying extra weight. Now I realise I simply need to stop giving a $hit about it - and I have. No body is going to look at me and say wow look at her fatness, they’ll probably look at me and say wow look how pretty she looks tonight, has she lost weight? No, I won’t look like the size 10 smoking hot me I  was a year ago - but I will still be me, just a size 14 version of smoking hot me.

We only need to look at Christina Hendricks for confirmation that you can look amazing at whatever size you are (she is my new role model)

http://today24news.com/entertainment/christina-hendricks-talks-about-cup-size-after-weight-gain-011457

http://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/fashion-articles/christina-hendricks-photos

It is about us letting go of the ego side. ‘Women Food and God’ (Geneen Roth) has put a lot of things into perspective for me mentally. It has helped me become more in tune with my body and its needs as opposed to living outside my body and letting ‘the voice’ take over and criticize myself.

And I had a great time at that function and I looked great.

As for exercise I’ve been slacking majorly – partly because I committed to swimming with my friend who sucks at commitment – I’ve put it on her but she doesn’t really get the whole commitment thing. I guess I would be better off going by myself but I’m lacking in my overall confidence – I’m getting better at not berating myself but I need to really work on the part that allows me to get geared up and in the pool without worrying about what other people think J

Lastly – I’ve been trying a hypnotherapy iPhone application. Not sure if it is working – but I love the meditative bit I keep falling asleep! And my cravings have gone down slightly but that might be me trying to ride the crave wave as mish put it.

Ok lovely ones thanks for reading xoxo