And in the beginning of my life, everything was black and white. Now, as I grow and mature I realise that there are many complex shades of grey.
I’m embarking on this soul searching life changing experience right? Well I thought I would just start by giving you a little information about how I got to this point.
I was born in 1984, a definite 80s child with side ponytails and hand me down check off the shoulder tshirts (with neon paint splotches). I was a chubby little thing growing up. What can I say, I enjoyed food, and so did my family. Some of my happiest memories are from spending Sunday at my nonna’s house, scoffing down a mortadella and cheese sandwich to start, pasticcio and gnocchi to follow, pasta, baked dinner, schnitzel, and all the trimmings. Granted, I stopped at the gnocchi – but I guess what I am trying to convey is that food has always been an important part of my life.
I would both reward myself with food for achievements, and I would also make myself feel better by eating food. I’d eat when I was happy, sad, bored. And therein lies the start of the dieting cycle. I was always either passionately dieting, or passionately not dieting. There was no in between stage – no ‘moderate lifestyle’ so to speak. I always threw myself head in the deep end, almost obsessively.
So all in or nothing can have its disadvantages – of course you all know what that means. The whole, ‘oh I ate something bad which means I’m not on a diet anymore so I may as well eat what I want’ sort of attitude.
I got cancer in 2005 which was a wake up call. While (some) people are under the impression that cancer patients are thin and reedy – this isn’t so when you have bone cancer and they put you on steroids and things to combat your nausea. This is great for nausea, but not for cravings. Add to that growing depression (which of course I bottled inside behind my happy ‘everything is peachy’ mask) 12 months of chemo, intense surgeries, long stays in hospital. My weight ballooned.
After all that I wanted to be healthy. I don’t want to get cancer again. It’s shit, honestly if anybody is out there reading my little blog, please quit smoking. It’s hard, I know because I was smoked on and off til the end of my treatment – but then when you actually manage to give up the fags life is better. Healthy people don’t treat you like a leper for one. Plus smokes are about $20 a pack now! Give it up, you will feel better and save loads of money which you will need for new clothes. You will get drunk and have a fag and wake up the next morning remembering why you gave it up.
Anyway, I read the ‘abs diet’ by David Zidenko (men’s health editor) and it changed my life for the better. Although I couldn’t adapt every principle to my life, I was able to adapt a lot of them, learn about the right foods, and WHY they are the right foods. I lost weight, 10kilos at a time.
I joined a gym, whittled away with variances of the abs diet and the liver cleansing diet feeling great. Then somehow I put all the weight back on.
Then I fell back down a black hole of being tired, sad, angry all these emotions. I thought I was sick and saw my doctor who did every test under the sun. He said – you are stressed. You need to exercise, and stop worrying about everyone else. So I joined fernwood gym, met lots of wonderful people and spent a year whittling away until I got down to almost my goal weight AGAIN.
Then I put half back on again. Then I took it off AGAIN. Now I’ve put it ALL back on again, which is what has lead me HERE today. Oh, I also hurt my back – but that didn’t tell me to scoff all the tim tams.
I watched three seasons of ruby. THREE seasons of Ruby made me realise there’s a psychological thing happening that we need to address. There’s a reason why I keep piling it all back on and it’s not just about nutrition and exercise. Because if that was all – I’d still be a size 8-10 and not where I am now!
Ruby and Michelle keep telling us – no more excuses! So – that’s where I am now. NO MORE excuses ya’ll.
The first pre season task was about introducing ourselves (I’ve done that – ya’ll will see me floating about commenting here and there). The second was about excuses and responses – so I’ll be posting some of mine in the next couple of days.
I think I’ll finish by stating something my best friend told me the other day. We were speaking of what celebrity we remind each other of, and he told me that i remind him of Sarah Murdoch. Now that is HIGH praise girlfriends (and boyfriends if there’s any out there). He says because I present well and am attractive, because I’m intelligent and because I’m a philanthropist like she is. So within this challenge, I want to keep in mind that no matter what happens on the outside, that people will always view me kinder than what I will view myself.
So, when you are out there, jogging – wiggly wobbly bits bouncing with enthusiasm, I want you all to remember that NO BODY CARES but YOU. When you are at that gym class, there’s a couple of ballerina like beauties seemingly floating and twirling around you while you do your best impersonation of a baby elephant - all that matters is that YOU are giving it a go. And having fun! Attack everything with enthusiasm and you will be rewarded.
My blog rules
1) Post not less than once per week for the duration of the challenge;
2) Keep accountable with my posts;
3) Tell ya’ll about any new type of exercise or recipes I’m trying;
4) Give advice about what’s helping and hindering me;
5) Complete the 12wbt – tell you all how I’m going, and how I’m juggling it with the last semester of uni and life in general.
Thank you for reading. I hope I can be an inspiration as well as continue to be inspired by everyone on their journey