Confessions

I apologise that I’ve been AWOL – major busy time for my last semester of uni.

Usher knows all about confessions!

 Wow we are in week 5 of the program and I have lost just under 5kgs – so it is working despite my attempts to sabotage myself. So time for confessions

However, I’ve learnt a couple of things which I don’t like to admit. Mish always said to limit drinking due to the fact u eat crap when u drink and are out of it the next day. I was down with that – but I didn’t really think it applied to me.

TWICE it has happened that I have drank a whole heap of alcohol, and eaten crappy that night and the next day. However, I’ve also learnt if I have my treat meal during the week and not on Saturday, I tend to stick to the plan over the weekend (or at least, stick to eating nutritious food up to 1200 calories).

So I need to reevaluate the need for alcohol in my diet definitely – or at least make sure that when I have it I stick to two vodka and tonics with my treat meal (which should be in the middle of the week rather than on a Saturday which makes it harder for me to stick to the plan on the Sunday).

I’ve also realised that the nutrition and exercise is the tiniest part of weight loss – (I know DUH) but although I have the knowledge about eating addiction stored in my brain – it is confronting to have to apply it to your own situation. Not eating to numb my emotions or boredom has made me have to face what I’m eating for in the first place. Some things are mundane or more complicated. Stuff like ‘I don’t understand this legal thing so I’m going to go grab a snack,’ or ‘I’m not satisfied with work at the moment so I will go have a bikkie from the tin,’ or ‘I never have any time for myself – it is divided between social life and uni and work where is my me time?’ ‘Uni assessments never ending I want to cry.’ Just a few.

Or the damaginf self talk, such as – ‘I hate myself’ – ‘I am worthless and unattractive and damaged’, ‘you embarrassed yourself Bianca you should be ashamed everyone will laugh at you’ ‘you are so stupid.’

This brings me to a book review! Bit random – but I was told that this particular book would apply to my situation (a couple of times). So I decided to buy it. I haven’t actually finished it but I’m about three quarters through and I’ve made a whole lot of progress personally.

I have learnt that what it comes down to is that you need to love yourself, thighs, belly and all. We are still the amazing beautiful person size 6 or size 16. We are all on journies to lose weight and be healthy and looking good is only a small part of that.
I had been going through negative thinking patterns particularly because I had a function for which I NEEDED to fit into a particular black dress to look good – of course that dress doesn’t fit me anymore because I am carrying extra weight. Now I realise I simply need to stop giving a $hit about it - and I have. No body is going to look at me and say wow look at her fatness, they’ll probably look at me and say wow look how pretty she looks tonight, has she lost weight? No, I won’t look like the size 10 smoking hot me I  was a year ago - but I will still be me, just a size 14 version of smoking hot me.

We only need to look at Christina Hendricks for confirmation that you can look amazing at whatever size you are (she is my new role model)

http://today24news.com/entertainment/christina-hendricks-talks-about-cup-size-after-weight-gain-011457

http://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/fashion-articles/christina-hendricks-photos

It is about us letting go of the ego side. ‘Women Food and God’ (Geneen Roth) has put a lot of things into perspective for me mentally. It has helped me become more in tune with my body and its needs as opposed to living outside my body and letting ‘the voice’ take over and criticize myself.

And I had a great time at that function and I looked great.

As for exercise I’ve been slacking majorly – partly because I committed to swimming with my friend who sucks at commitment – I’ve put it on her but she doesn’t really get the whole commitment thing. I guess I would be better off going by myself but I’m lacking in my overall confidence – I’m getting better at not berating myself but I need to really work on the part that allows me to get geared up and in the pool without worrying about what other people think J

Lastly – I’ve been trying a hypnotherapy iPhone application. Not sure if it is working – but I love the meditative bit I keep falling asleep! And my cravings have gone down slightly but that might be me trying to ride the crave wave as mish put it.

Ok lovely ones thanks for reading xoxo

The end of Week 2



Not sure if this is what Mish meant when
she said we'd be eating lots of veggies :)



So week 1 and 2 have been a success for me. Mostly because I’ve followed the nutrition plan closely – except for the first weekend.

Okay, in my defense I was going out for dinner so I thought I’d use it as my treat meal. That day I did a swimming session, I ate wholemeal toast with ricotta for brekky and a salad for lunch (no snacks). At dinner, I ordered the pear salad (to share) and for my main I ordered fish (didn’t eat the skin).

However, the dinner also included red wine. Copious amounts of red wine. My old trainer said ‘you know 1 glass of red is like having a bread roll’. I don’t even WANT to calculate how many bread rolls I ate. Must have been like a baker’s dozen!! And *small helpless voice* a couple of shots. AND *even smaller voice* I may have eaten a hamburger for lunch the next day (although I didn’t eat any dinner or snacks).  This is WHY we should not drink alcohol.



Mr Pumpkin feels my pain, halloween celebrations -
wayyyy too much vino for him too



Did I mention I was sick that night? I pretty much threw all those breadrolls down the toilet. Oh yes friends, I rode the porcelain bus. I’m not proud of it but it is about being accountable. So that’s why I told you all.

On the up side I had a loss of 900grams this week (even with that disaster of a weekend). So I’m really pleased about that :)

I’ve been looking into purchasing some ‘flotation devices’ for the pool (heheh flotation device!) I mean aqua joggers. This is so I can still run – but with no impact which would be great for my back. I’ve been swimming in  my own pool but it is only about 10 metres long so I really need to get out to the Olympic pool. I’ve also booked my first one on one session with a pilates instructor, it isn’t for a couple of weeks but the main thing is that it is in the schedule! I’m also going to do canto swim for more motivation (4km swim at the beach say what?!). I figure seeing as I can only really swim to raise my heart rate up I may as well be good at it (my friend said I’m so competitive she rekons she’ll see me at the next Olympics LOL)

Week 2 has been great so far – except I’ve been a bit tired (which is probably from me staying up to late on the 12wbt forums!!) So as far as exercise goes – Monday night was low impact aerobics, Tuesday was 1km in laps in the pool, Wed was nothing because I was so tired, thurs was ZUMBA (hilarious, fun AND a good work out J ) and tonight is low impact aerobics. My best friend wants us to start training in the beach for cantoo swim (we’ve registered for the 2km swim). I think it is a bit cold to start in the beach this weekend but I’m looking forward to our training sessions.

What scares me about this photo is it is a case of garlic
 suicide. And they are HAPPY about it!! Someone planted
a knife on their slippery dip - practically murder!
Brings me back to the humpty days (clearly he was also
murdered, in cold egg... 

I have been doing a lot of cooking too. Even when i'm tired - i either grab something that i've pre made and frozen or cook anyway - last nights lentil soup was delishhh

How is everyone doing with their 12wbt? I'm massively impressed by everyone's results. One in particular that was mentioned on facebook was a lady had massively lowered her cholesterol and controlled her diabetes. I'm so impressed because that's the most important thing of all. Also, everyone on the forums have been so supportive and sweet. They organise group training sessions and activities, listen to you whinge (like I do all the time! Share your joy when you achieve something you haven't done before, or haven't for a while. I have learnt with weight loss that is so important to HAVE that support network. I didnt realise that before, but every time i enlist the support of others i succeed. So i will definately succeed this time :)

Ok B is signing off. xoxoxo

Pre season task 5 & 6 - Say it out loud & Kitchen makeover

Sorry I have been so AWOL – Trying to complete assessments. One made me cry. But I did not head for chocolate or cake!

This week has been a pre-task detox for me. Not a detox in the sense that I’m eating nothing but raw foods, but a detox that saw me eating healthy and counting calories. Even my boyfriend is counting calories! To do this I have been staying away from home (because that’s where all the naughty high calorie laden food is) and living at my boyfriend’s house for the past week. It’s been very convenient but I have to go back home next week. This worries me for a number of reasons – I went home last night for dinner and had to resist cake. I looked in the cupboard and it was full of biscuits and muesli bards and chips and things.

I've decided to try and combine pre season 5 and 6 so sorry that this is going to be a long post!

So pre season Task 5 is about goal commitment. I must admit I've not really taken this goal as seriously as i should have. I told my best man about it - and I’ve enrolled my bf in this whole thing - but apart from putting my goals out to the world in this blog i haven't really told anyone else. I guess I’ve half done this task :)

So when i go back home i will tell my family about what I am going to achieve (notice there is no 'try' or 'want' in that sentence!)

Pre season task 6 is giving your kitchen a makeover – I suggested this to my mum and she basically canned the idea. So I asked my new 12wbt family on the forum for some ideas and I thought I’d post the response because it is a helpful one.

I just made a similar suggestion on another post - but can you get your own cupboard/space so that you don’t need to go in to the other cupboards that have the high temptation food in them?  The fridge might be difficult, but even if you can get half a shelf in there that is just for you and you cannot even look at the rest of the fridge?

It can be tough when other people don’t support you, but will be quick to point out if you fail.  There is lots of support on here for you….I believe you can do it!

So what I’m going to do to complete this task, is clean out a section of the kitchen, or one shelf for MY food. And that way if I need or want something I can only zero in on that section of the kitchen.

Mish suggested we:

1. Bring your rubbish bin into the middle of the room, open the cupboards and be ruthless! Follow the list below to know what to keep and what to toss.

2. Have an enrolment conversation with everyone else in the house. You’ve already committed your goals to them in the last task so this should come as no surprise. Explain that you will be eating differently now and a lot of the junk food that was allowed in the house before will be gone for good. Ask for their support and remember that if you have kids, you have a responsibility to teach them the right way to eat.

3. Use the shopping list to stock up on the healthy foods. You will be getting a weekly shopping list specific your eating plan, but this list will get you started.

She also gave us a shopping list, a lot of which I know we already have at home.

Have any of you found that your family or partners have made your kitchen make over difficult? What type of strategies do you use? Thanks for reading and all your comments.

Lastly, I want to share with you a recipe for a relatively low calorie pizza i made today. I had a lovely pork sausage pizza from Opera Bar a while back and i wanted to try making a healthy version of it (or at least lower calorie)

Makes 2 pizzas

Ingredients:

100grams of Pork Sausage - sliced (I used Coles finest free range pork and cider apple sausages)

Handful of mushrooms - sliced

1 red onion - sliced

1/4 capsicum - sliced

2TB pizza sauce (leggos)

50 g lite Mozzarella cheese (I used Coles shredded mozzarella lite)

2 pieces of Lebanese bread (I used Mission brand - around 190cals per piece, make sure you check because pita can be high in calories)

Garlic (fresh), oregano (dried) and basil (fresh)

Spray oil.

Method:

Preheat oven to around 150 (degrees Celsius)

Spray a non stick pan with oil, add onion and brown. Add mushrooms, garlic, oregano and basil (these are to taste - no set amount) and capsicum - stir until soft. Take off heat.

Lightly fry pieces of pork sausage in the same pan (you might need a little more spray).

Spread 1 TB of pizza sauce on each piece of Lebanese bread. Put the veggie mixture on evenly on each piece, add even amount of sausage to each pizza, sprinkle cheese on both and bake for around 15mins.

Per pizza:  Cals: 407; Kj: 1702; Fat: 13.8; Sat fat: 6; Prot: 22.7; Carb: 43; Sugar: 7; Fibre: 5.7; Sod: 1016; Calc: 188



Mmmm... Pork Sausage Pizza



 NB: 1 whole pizza equates to almost the same calories of 2 slices of regular peperoni pizza. To lower the calories even further, I usually use shaved 97% fat free ham instead of sausage, which would reduce the overall pizza to 346 calories, fat to 6.2 and Sat fat to 2.9 (this would be more suitable for the 12wbt). You could also add as many veggies as you like.

 xox

Trying not to feed the little beastie!

So how did you all go on father’s day? I know for me, last weekend was the blow out to end all blow outs. I fed my little monster SO much that even he undoing his top button and holding up a white flag.


Why? I don’t know. I know that one of the main factors is I am extremely social coupled with the word ‘no’ just disappearing from my vocabulary. It’s a big worry. I’m mostly scared because as I frantically pulled clothes out of my wardrobe this morning but NOTHING fitted. Well some did. But not a lot – and those clothes that do still fit are either uncomfortable or give me unattractive muffin top. It is clear that I need help.

The biggest reason this upsets me is that I used to be so fit, the word NO was a normal part of life – you want pizza? NO or I’d make a healthy pizza with pita bread and veggies and minimal cheese. If I went out I drank clear alcohol with diet coke – none of this champagne and cocktails - CREAMY cocktails. I bought weight watchers deserts and jarrah low cal hot chocolate – so if I wanted dessert I didn’t succumb to full cream ice cream and banana bread. 90% of the time I ate healthy meals cooked by moi - so what went wrong? I wish I could tell you. The things I remember going wrong, were that I got sick for a while and complacent, then I house sat for an extended time and stopped going to the gym. Then I got skinny again via rigorous bootcamping – then I got fat again from hurting my back.

I went back to the gym this week. EVERYONE was so nice – so happy to see me. No one told me that I’d put on weight – even though its clear by me not fitting my clothing. My gym buddy came along with me and I was happy to have the support. Task 4 asked us to figure out where we are going to train. Definitely I will train at the gym. Granted with my back I can only do low impact – but I was still sweating up a storm and SO SORE the next few days. So tonight I’ll go back to the gym and when the 12 week challenge starts up I’ll train 6 times per week. I want to do a combination of training at the gym and outdoors.

Hungry little beastie!

It’s so scary putting on weight. I’m scared that I’ll keep piling it on. I’m afraid that I will have health problems. My back is more sore, it affects my skin, how I feel emotionally, I don’t feel attractive any more. So why is it I keep eating bad food and being lazy? I hope the 12 week challenge will help me overcome these problems. Or at least answer some of my questions. If It were only nutrition and exercise I wouldn’t have put the weight back on. I NEED to understand why I can’t keep the weight off...

My bestman (man who is best friend of Lady B) read me excerpts from the abs diet while I hurriedly finished an assessment yesterday (I leant the book to him) he said that his family can be toxic to his dieting – the book also talks about marriage/defacto relationships etc. Anything where other people can influence your day to day life basically. It rains true for me too – I love my mother she is an amazing women – but she brings home muffins and chips and various other treats which I simply can’t say no to. I KNOW it is my own fault. I don’t blame anyone but myself (I am the one shovelling it down my throat) – but for someone like me a muffin sitting on the kitchen table will play on my mind for hours until I eat it. I get overwhelmed by the craving. So I will spend this week at Lord B’s place in detox mode. I’m going to follow the crunch time diet/book so that I can prepare myself properly for the challenge.

Do you find yourself affected by other people? How do you say ‘no’ or keep your little beast at bay?

Pre-Season Task 3: “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination”

Mr James Dean - hot AND wise! I believe that he is conveying to us that some things in life are inevitable; however, we DO have control over ourselves and our own paths. We should simply accept that life will always change but in order to achieve what we set out to do, we need to formulate a plan.

Task three is all about goal setting. At first I was reluctant to set goals, because for me setting goals is generally a recipe for disaster. I remember sitting with Lord B about 6 months ago writing down what I wanted to achieve – I haven’t looked at that list since. Nevertheless, I have put my complete faith in Mish’s program, and have committed myself (monetarily and mentally) to the 12wbt.

So, what are my goals? What are your goals? Immediately I think, lose 15 kilos to be evaluated in 5 kilo incriments. Then I think, it’s not about weight it’s about size. So, another goal (which is indeed reachable) is to fit into my size 10 skinny jeans, and this incredible black dress I own and wore once. Another goal I have is to one day run a ½ marathon. If I really seriously think about it I’d like to really banish my inner beast – you know, that little fat purple hairy thing that stomps through my brain yelling “MUFFIN TIME!!” at 4pm? Yeah, you know who I’m talking about. I want to be rid of that thing that makes me fall off the wagon.

1. set my goals, and how I will achieve them

2. each goal must be timed – i.e. 3, 6, 12 months.

3. They need to be SMART

Specific: What exactly is your goal? To feel healthy is not specific. To Lose 2kg in a month is.

Measureable: Make sure you can measure your improvements along the way. For example you might have body shape measurements such as weight and blood pressure, or performance measurements such as running 4km without stopping.

Achievable: Is it actually possible to achieve your goal? In your heart you need to believe that you can actually get there.

Realistic: This is one notch higher than achievable. It might be possible for you to run a marathon (with the right amount of training) but is it realistic given your lifestyle factors?

Time Based: You need to set your goals against a timeframe.

4. Reward myself for my achievements!

So these are my goals (you all can keep me accountable!):

WEIGHT GOALS

1. Lose 15 kilos by December 8th.

a. This is approximately 1 kilo per week

b. I know I am aiming high, but I want to have a big goal so I am motivated to achieve it.

c. I will follow Mish’s plan and I will exercise 6 times per week.

d. I will weigh myself once per week to keep myself on track.

e. If it looks like I am plateauing, I will eat less calories, eat less carbs or increase intensity of exercise so that I overcome it.

2. Fit into my jeans/dress by December 8th

a. Above

3. Be UNDER my lowest recorded weight by January 12th

a. This means I have to stay accountable during the HOLIDAY PERIOD (insert scary music)

b. Above

FITNESS GOALS

4. Complete cantoo swim which starts in November

a. I have 9 weeks til it starts

b. Have 2 training swim days PER WEEK once the season starts

c. Be able to swim 2km straight before season starts

d. Increase laps by 100metres per week.

5. Run a ½ marathon

a. This is a hard one!!!! I will aim for 12 months

b. By September 19 I want to run a ½ marathon

c. By march I need to be running 10.5km

d. By December I need to be running 5km per week

REWARDS

This really depends on my money, I think though one reward will be traveling to Europe next year – SKINNY! It's hard because i think being healthy will be my ultimate reward :)



Thanks for reading xoxo

12WBT Task 2: "excusing of a fault doth make the fault the worse by the excuse"

Our dear old friend Mr Shakespeare said, "and oftentimes excusing of a fault doth make the fault the worse by the excuse.”

To what extent do you all agree or disagree with this phrase? I think its perfectly valid. If we keep on making excuses for our behaviour, we will never succeed. How can we succeed if we aren't even able to admit our own faults? How can we improve if we keep making excuses?

According to Michelle Bridges, there are three types of excuses:

1. Internal Excuses: The self talk that goes on between the Jekyll and Hyde in your head. For example: I’m too tired, I’m not motivated, I’m so far gone it’s not worth even trying, I’m too unfit, I might fail, I’ll look silly.

2. External Excuses within your control: These are excuses prompted by external factors but which you still have some control over. For example I’m too busy, it’s too hot/cold, I can’t afford it.

3. External excuses outside of your control: These are external factors that you have absolutely no control over, real emergencies. For example a sick child, family crisis, work crisis. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to get out of these and yes your training or diet may be affected by them.


Pre Season Task 2 called on us to look at what excuses we have used in the past, and list them into the three categories. Interestingly enough, most of mine were internal excuses. I've listed my excuses below:

I’m unmotivated: this is a cop out – just freaking do it!


I'm so far gone it’s not worth even trying: hello you’ve been heavier than this – stop making excuses you’ve done it three times now you can do it again!!

I’m too tired. I always use this excuse. I actually believe it most of the time, although when I think back to when I was healthy (and happier in general from exercising like a demon) I used to just go the gym, tired or not.

My back hurts. Although this is viable, I need to lose weight. I also could do some form of exercise which was low impact like walking or pilates/yoga. Or the cross trainer or swimming. If I lost weight my back wouldn’t hurt so much. If I was more mobile, my joints more lubricated, It wouldn’t hurt as much.

I can’t exercise as hard with my back injury: there’s other exercise I can do, just because I have an injury doesn’t mean I have to quit the game.

My back made me put on weight: this is stupid, I should have eaten well and not used this as an excuse to regain the weight and ruin my hard work. My back does not control my hands and mouth!

I’m so much less fit than what I was before when I was doing bootcamp and weight training etc: I can work at my own pace. I don’t need to train super hard every session. If I train consistently I will improve. Everyone has to start somewhere. I will remember what that feeling was like to run 10km – and I will do it again.

Every Christmas/Easter: it’s the holidays and I deserve a treat. I know that once I start I can’t stop – so I need to stop starting all the time. I am addicted to food.

I’m not confident enough to go to the gym. I started at this weight years ago. I just went to the gym and did my own thing. Then the weight came off faster. Then I joined fernwood and made friends there.

Everyone will be disappointed with me when they see I’ve put on so much weight. I don’t get disappointed with people when they put on weight, because I know how that feels - I’ve piled the weight back on three times now – each time I’ve changed gyms. If it is really that bad – I can change again.

I missed the gym class and I hate machines: Should have gone for a run Lady B! Or a walk, or danced in your room for an hour to fun music. Could have done something but YOU chose not too.

There’s no point because I’ve eaten something bad today. I’d be better off negating the bad food I’ve eaten than not exercising at all.

I have too much uni work. This is true in exam time, but I do better at uni clear headed and less stressed from exercise. Surely I can find one hour – or maybe I need to start doing my assessments earlier.

What’s the point I always put the weight back on. The point is that I’m healthier, happier and more confident at a lower weight. It just means i need to figure out WHY i put the weight back on.

I’ll start tomorrow: tomorrow never comes unfortunately

I can’t afford the gym right now: look outside, your front door is the gym. Go for a walk!

It’s too hot/cold: I could have stayed inside and done one of my work out dvds or the treadmill

Too busy/no routine: Hello – you found room in your timetable to exercise. You just need to get off your lazy bum and do it!! Even with extra uni work and work!!

Are there any excuses you guys use that are different to mine?

Lady B xoxo

Learning to breathe again for the first time in so long now...

All the talk and buzz of exercise on the forums has inspired me to go for a walk/jog. First I looked for a Zumba class near me. Then when that failed I checked out the local timetable of the closest gym which was also a fail because it only had pump on which I can’t do with my back injury.


So then I thought walk/jog it is. Then I thought – how long can I actually jog for these days? That’s a scary thought. I used to be able to do about 11km up and down hills. Now I don’t know if I can even jog for 5 minutes these days. Then I heard men outside laughing and talking to each other. So then I started thinking – oh no they will laugh at me if I walk/jog by in my tights.

The cycle of negative thinking is endless! So what am I going to do? Put on my damn tights, sneakers and t-shirt and get my astronaut out onto that pavement. Its negative thinking that has gotten me here in the first place and I NEED to quash it now.

So I ended up walking 7.5 kms, well walk jogged depending on the song on my ipod, coupled with how frustrated I was at my tights falling down. And no, it isn’t because I’ve lost weight, merely because they’re old and need to be replaced. I’m quite proud of myself. I power walked most of the way, imagining I was either a) part of the glee cast or b) in a Britney filmclip or c) playing guitar along with Korn. Bit weird I know but it takes my mind off the fact that I’m simply walling. I tend to mouth along to the songs too – lucky you aren’t my walking partner hey?

What’s your fave work out music? This is about getting healthy and being happy and trying new experiences. So far so good! What i realised while I was powerwalking my booty down the road was I felt great. I felt pumped. It made me realise how much I miss exercise. I didn't tell you guys before but I used to spend 6 days per week at the gym - between 1 and 2 hours per session.

Tomorrow hopefully I’ll get a chance to let you all know about my Bikram yoga experience. I’ve tried it once, and would like to try it again tomorrow night before posting

So long,

Lady B